The following are some stories of a few ladies I have worked with and some other interesting things for you to read (the names in these stories have been changed):
My husband swept me off my feet in the beginning. Then, immediately
after we were married he told me I would only get $20 a week for
groceries. If I needed money I had to ask him. My new, paid off
home was now mortgaged to the hilt as he threatened me if I didn't
sign for the loans. After only 1 ½ years of marriage, I had to file
"individual" bankruptcy and sold everything I owned while he sent
my money home to Pakistan and used the rest for his business.
When I told him I wanted a divorce he said that I knew he had a wife
in Pakistan and that he would put me in jail for polygamy if I filed.
That's how I found out he provided a fake death certificate to the
courthouse and Immigration. Maria
My marriage seemed to go along pretty well, or so I thought, until my
husband received his U.S. citizenship. One month later he started
telling me that he wasn't happy with his life. The next year he told
me that he needed to have children, even though he knew I couldn't
have children before he married me. Looking back, I can't believe
this has happened to me and begin to wonder if he just married me
for a green card. Nadia
I tried to commit suicide twice and had to be hospitalized because of
my husband's verbal and physical abuse. He would tell me I'm worthless
and nobody would want me because I wasn't a Muslim. Jamie
I am Muslim and married a Muslim from Palestine and after only 1 month
he beat me and told me I had to cover. I'm a well educated woman,
with a good job. I had to quit my job and am now a prisoner in my
own home. I can't go outside of my home, for even a walk, unless
he is with me. My days of freedom are gone and I live in the USA.
My family would be embarrassed to see me cover as we do not practice
this in my country. Fatima
My husband and I visited his home country of Egypt shortly after
our marriage. They were upset with my husband because he married
a non-Muslim and I'm kafir (religionless and bound for hell). The
whole trip I was miserable because they wouldn't have anything to
do with me and argued the whole time with my husband over the fact
that he did not marry a Muslim. This has put a great strain on
our marriage. Now he's planning to move back home and refuses
to take me with him so he can marry a Muslim woman and win his
family's approval. Sara
I became a Muslim to please my husband. Because of this decision,
I have now given up all my rights and freedoms that American women
have. I am not allowed to leave our home for any reason and to do
so will cause him to beat me into submission. We have 2 children
and I'm afraid that he will take them to Saudi Arabia if I anger
him in the least bit. He uses the children as a tool to get what
he wants. Deborah
Words from a Muslim, female Physician to you:
You've seen the movie, "Not Without my Daughter", well it happens
every day in America. Recently, a Muslim woman gynecologist called
me and asked me to relate this story to you (the reader) and give
you this message:
· "I currently know of two cases where I have delivered the children
of these couples and the husband has taken the children to his home
country and left the wife heart broken and without her children.
The husband then returns to this country under another name, resides
in a different state and resumes his life without detection from our
Immigration or Police officials."
· Her words to women, non-Muslim, who enter a marriage with a Muslim
man were harsh . So, I'll pass them on to you.
1) "Do not marry a Muslim man unless you plan to convert to Islam!!"
2) "In Islam, the children are the property of the father - regardless
of what the law in the U.S. says." They have to be raised Muslim or
it is better for them to be dead!"
3) "Men carouse in their youth, smoke, drink and chase women.
However, once they start getting old they realize that they must
atone for their sins of their youth. This is where fanatical Islam
comes into play. They are strict beyond belief and make everyone
in the family miserable because they are trying to atone for their
sinful ways of their youth."
4) Her last words to you are "Don't put your foot in the fire because
you will get burned."
Glamour Magazine ran an article in their July issue which talks
about an underground railroad for Arab women in danger.
· For Arab women, rumors can be deadly. If an unmarried female is
believed to have had sex, her life may be in danger - from her own
father, brothers and male relatives bent on preserving "family honor."
In Israel, a country that prides itself on being a Western-style
democracy, 15 to 20 Palestinian women are murdered every year in the
name of family honor; most recently, a man in the town of Umm al-Fahm
was charged with shooting dead his 16- and 21-year old sisters - and
became a hero to some of his neighbors.
· But a young palestinian woman from Israel, Manar Hasan, is helping lead
an effort to stop the bloodshed. Her group, al-Fanar-"the lighthouse"
in Arabic - helps women under threat flee to safe houses throughout her
country. Since it started in 1991, the underground railroad has spirited
many women out of danger. "The long-term plan is to find individuals
a safe, permanent home," says Hasan.
· Hasan charges that the Israeli state is "extremely tolerant" of such
killings - which the government denies - and that Arab leaders are also
lenient. Indeed, Walid Sadek, an Arab member of parliament, told Glamour
that while he does not endorse such killings, they are "not the same
as murder." In one recent case, after a woman in danger ran away,
Israeli police returned her to her family. Luckily, the woman later
escaped for good.
The media never shows these kinds of stories.
The lives of these women have been changed dramatically. Marriage is
difficult enough without adding cultural and religious differences upon
the normal stresses of marriage. Take the time to find out who they
are, what they believe and ask what is expected of you as a woman.
Some of these women will never be able to return to what we call a
normal life. The emotional and physical scars are too much for some
to bear. Please don't let this happen to you!
All of these women have just one thing to say:
"If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't!"
Muslim-Christian marriages: Women telling their story ...