I want to present a Muslim's response and after that my own reponse to this
question of marriages between Muslims and Christians. These two postings
were written at the occasion that this question was (again) asked on the
And I was following this up with:
Date: Mon Jan 15 13:29:04 EST 1996
** ... in love with a woman. This woman was the kind of person you've been
carefully looking for. She cares about you, is smart, funny and mature
enough. But she is christian which is not a problem in the first
instance from an islamic point of view. **
According to the Qur'an it is permissible for a Muslim man to marry CHASTE
women of the book. I have heard one scholar emphasize that not all
christians are lawful -- only those who have never fornicated and who
guard their modesty are lawful.
I would suggest that you reevaluate your criteria for a wife: rather than
looking for someone who "cares about you, is smart, funny and mature
enough", seek the most Allah-conscious individual you can find and marry
her if this seems appropriate after praying the guidance prayer.
I would predict that, unless the woman you describe accepts Islam, you
will either compromise your Islam or endure significant hardship,
particularly with regard to the children. Of course you should explain
the importance of Islam to your children. Naturally, what you explain
will be in direct contradiction to what your wife explains. You will be
left with no alternative but to compromise the message of Islam and face
the consequences or live with great tension.
I believe you are making a huge mistake in considering marrying this woman
unless she accepts Islam. For whatever it is worth, I am an American who
accepted Islam. My wife was Christian and accepted Islam, masha Allah.
We have children, and there was great tension during the period in which
she was still Christian. My brother also accepted Islam, but his
Christian wife did not. The difficulties, particularly with children and
in this society, are difficult to exaggerate.
Many of your Muslim sisters are seeking marriage. Marry one.
You asked for advice. That's all this is. It may very well be worth no
more than its price.
From: Jochen Katz
I only talked about the relationship between a Muslim man and a
Christian woman here since that was the original question and this is also
the most common constellation. But obviously the same holds for a Christian
man and a Muslim woman.
If you are in such a situation - and I know it is very hard - please
do not hesitate to contact me. I have contact to other couples who have either
been in this situation or still are. It might be helpful to you if you can
talk it over with some other people who have experience in this situation.
You may do so by sending an email to