Conversion by Default?


Some time ago I participated in some conversations
with Muslimahs.  The first part of this post is one
of those conversations, the second part (found
here##) are my comments for today.

I was shocked at something one lady said and I
wrote in about it because ... well, I was shocked
not at what she said but that she said it so
openly.  I'd *seen* what she said (what she was
describing) at work in very many Muslim/Christian
marriages by that time, but neither she nor any of the
other Muslimahs seemed to recognize that what
Muslims do in their marriages (expect default submission)
and what they say generally about "no compulsion in
religion" are two opposing thought patterns, and the
criteria used to decide which one is in force at any
given time seems to be whether or not it involves 
"my wife".

A Muslimah (speaking to a Christian woman -not me-
married to a Muslim man):
"I don't think I have lost anything by becoming
a Muslim.  I converted three years before I ever
even met my husband.  I had not even considered
marriage to a Muslim.  Exactly the opposite is true,
I found myself more interested and more practicing
than my born Muslim husband.  As I became more
involved in my religion, he did too.  Now we are
quite strict in our belief and practice.

I kind of find it curious how you were able to
remain a Christian.  I assume that your husband is
not very serious in his practice of Islam.  If he
were, I think you would by default accept Islam.

My response to above comment:
This paragraph seems to hold more than is at first
understood.  Perhaps.  Maybe I read more into it than
is really there, but if one were to look up 'default' in
the dictionary, the definition is really chilling in
the context of Christian/Muslim marriage and what
you seem to infer.

You said you found
"it curious how" she was
"able” to remain a Christian .   And that you
assume her husband
"is not very serious in his
practice of Islam"

Do you mean to say that you think you (or she) might
have had some bit of rough weather if you hadn't been
Muslim and your husband had been practicing his
religion in a strict Islamic fashion?

>If he were I think you would by default accept Islam.

And here you put the topper --- perhaps you spoke
subconsciously?  I don't know much about my hubbie's
religion but one thing that is always stressed to me is
that "there is no compulsion in religion".  It truly
sounds like there might be an exception to that
well-used phrase between the lines, here

>If he were I think you would by default accept Islam.

I don't know how else to take this.  I have a good
imagination - some say I do - and I can well
imagine exactly when my marriage would have
ended if my husband's strict practice of Islam had
ever spilled over into the restriction of my practice
of my own religion and the speaking of same to my
children or anyone else, for that matter; including
my in-laws. (And as much as I love him, he has this
option also if he ever 'preferred' for me to keep my
faith as low-profile)

Whether I divorced him or not would have been a
matter for much prayer and soul searching --- but I
certainly would not have let him live with us for very
long if he had firmly decided I should ”
by default
accept Islam
" in any long term way.

Like I said, our beginning years were a bit rough and
religious differences played a part of that roughness
as well as cultural differences.  If I have
interpreted what you said correctly I think I just
may have dodged a bullet. Thank the Good Lord.

## New comments:

No one ever responded to my question, but the answer is
obvious to anyone who has been around Muslims or any

Muslim/Christian board for very long.   There
is a distinct discrepancy between what they say, "there is
no compulsion in religion," and what they do, which if
they are practicing their Islam seriously is that they do
everything they can up front, passively and/or aggressively ,
and behind the scenes to get their girlfriends and wives to
convert to Islam.

>If he were I think you would by default accept Islam.

(If you read over the definitions below as/before
you read my next comments, I think they'll make
more sense)

Here the lady said that if he was practicing Islam
very seriously, the Christian married to her Muslim
would have accepted Islam by default.  Mmmm

So this Muslimah believes that 'by
default' a woman married to a seriously practicing
Muslim will not be able to take positive action irt
her own faith, will in fact neglect her own faith.

Will fail to perform actions or obligations required in
order to remain in her faith.

Would, as a matter of fact, lose, relinquish, forfeit her own faith in
the face of her husband's serious practice of his

That's the difference between a seriously practicing
Muslim and a seriously practicing Christian lady.

The Christian lady is commanded to be humble and to defer
to him as head of her household (unless, in my opinion, he asks her
to do something completely against her God); and as long
as he doesn't so completely overwhelm her with violence
and/or words of assault on her, her character, her faith, her
God ... she's happy to allow him to do as he pleases in regards to

his own faith, because the Lord will sustain her.  The only action
she will usually take is to pray earnestly and continually for
her husband’s salvation and possibly look for the fellowship of other
Christians behind his back (if necessary). 

But it's not enough for some of the Muslim men to
just be able to practice their own religion ... they
have to make their wives subject to it also and they
too believe that "by default" (possibly by his
absolute refusal to allow her to practice her faith;
but there are many more subtle ways some of them
use) she will eventually accept Islam and become
a good Muslimah .

Take a look at the last definition below (#6). 
Chilling, just chilling. "When no overriding action
or value is specified". It's like what I've told my
children sometimes, "If you don't decide, someone
else will decide for you."  "No decision is a decision." 
No, not all Muslims will try to so control their
wives.  Some actually do have the self confidence it
takes to allow that God can act without his violent
help.  Mine is a gem.  Yours might be, too... but I
do have to agree that if they are seriously practicing
Islam as it is set out in Quran and Hadith and Sunnah ,
they won't be gems.  They will be 'the good Muslim'
that Muslimah was talking about ... the one who
expects his wife to, by default, eventually accept
Islam.  No matter what they say before they own
you... er ... marry you.  The sad thing about this
is that by the time you (the woman) have 'by
default' accepted Islam as valid or even converted,
you will think it is your idea and no one will
be able to convince you otherwise.

*One definition of 'default' is:
Failure to take positive action; neglect.

*Similar Words - omission, neglect, indifference.
*Definition 2.
Failure to perform an action or fulfill an
obligation that is legally or morally

*More Similar Words - nonattendance, absence
*Synonyms    forfeiture (1)
*Another Definition  2.
to lose (a case) by failing to attend a court session.
*lose, relinquish, forfeit
*5. lack; want; absence.
*6. Computers. A value that a program or
operating system assumes, or a course of action
that a program or operating system will take,
when the user or programmer specifies no
overriding value or action.


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