Choices and Decisions
I'm 21 years old and partnered (not yet married) with a Turkish man. We
both live together in my home country, although I have been to visit his
and feel very close to his family.
My boyfriend is a Muslim. We've been together for three years and the fact that
he has a different religion than mine (Catholic) has not really been an issue but
I do foresee problems in the future when planning the wedding!
:) With the actual planning of the little things like what to
serve, who to invite and where to sit them? What to wear, what to
drink, how long the party should last? And which country to
have it in? Lots of little things and lots of big ones probably
the least of which is in the planning. What I mean is maybe
it's like buying a horse.
When you buy a horse it's usually not that expensive to actually
buy and transport him home. It's an expense, but one one can
afford if one has the time and lifestyle to think about doing it in
the first place. Anyway. No matter how much a horse first
costs, the expense isn't in the buying of it, it's in the
maintenance of it and whatever you do with him after you buy
him (lessons, shows, feed, housing, equipment etc).
Soooo, in marrying, marrying anyone, not just a Muslim (but marrying
a Muslim especially), it's not really the engagement or the
marriage ceremony or the wedding that will be the major problem
maker. It will be the day to day week to week year to year
maintenance of that marriage that causes the sorrow, the joy ,
the pain, the eye opening and shocking experiences. The
bittersweet regrets (and the danger) if you wake up to Christ
*after* you have married the Muslim.
I have tried to adapt to his traditional way of life with ease so far, I wore the
headscarf for special occasions while staying in
or pushed toward doing this, but I did out of respect for their cultural
traditions and values, and they respected me for that.
Have you adapted to his traditional way of life even while in
your own country? Ahhhh, these Arabian nights, guys
and their culture sure are exotic, I understand. :) Brings
to mind all the 100 Arabian nights and the stories about
flying carpets, flowing veils -
of your life, that you want for yourself and your children?
I am also learning the Turkish language and learned to cook traditional Turkish
recipes that would make your mouth water!
That's wonderful. Food is still the way to a man's
heart. If a man had a choice, truly and not in a way
trying to 'catch' the woman, he would choose a
banquet over a night of passion I'm sure. Lol *I*
haven't mastered the food stuff yet, my cooking is
just passable. We don't starve, but I'll never be
a gourmet. Lol
I have started reading the Koran which
I suppose has more to do with curiosity than anything else!
Well, the obvious question for me then is, have you read your
and I have a library
full of books about Islam, you can even get Islam for dummies books now!
I had no idea one could get Islam for dummies. I wonder
if there is Christianity for dummies? Not a bad idea I guess.
Get it in front of the people. lol
I'm doing all these things because I am intrigued and interested by my
boyfriends religion and culture but also out of respect to him and his family.
Has any of them started reading the Bible and wearing a scapular,
rosary, or crucifix out of respect for you? lol
The question of whether I would convert has never been put to me
It may never have to be put to you if you are being led of your
own accord to study his religion. You might just be leading
yourself to it without having to have anyone coerce you. It's
good to know what Islam is all about, don't get me wrong,
but have you studied the Bible as hard as you are studying
Islam? I don't mean have you studied your "religion"
as much as you seem to have begun studying Islam. I mean have
you studied the Bible out side of any denomination, just you
and God's word?
But I have often asked myself that question. My faith has been somewhat
for the last few years and I am totally confused and at a crossroads as
to what I
should do! If I stay as I am, worshipping a God just because I happened to be
born into a religion and just for the sake of it?, otherwise I would have wasted
all those years learning about God and Jesus Christ to just throw it all away for
Pray. Pray like you have never prayed before. Ask the Lord
Himself for guidance.
Or have I been fortunate enough to embark upon the real truth that will set me
free! Will I be defying Jesus or just demoting him?
Not only defying and not only demoting (not that we can *actually* do that, but we
can do it in our hearts and minds), but you will actually be
rejecting Him, His whole message and the redemption He brings.
He wouldn't be the Lord God Jesus Christ any longer he would simply be a
messenger, like Moses, and Allah would be my God.
:) No, if you think about this a little more you'll see without
anyone having to tell you that the Lord will be the Lord no
matter what any one of us believes or thinks. He won't be
the Lord of your heart anymore but He certainly will always
be the Lord of the Universe, El Roi translated "Thou God seest
me" (Gen 16:13) El Shaddai translated "Almighty God" (Gen 17 1-20)
El Olam translated "Everlasting God" (Gen 21:33), YHWH Shammah
translated "the LORD who is present"
I've been praying to the same God for so long, how do I just start praying to
another God-a new God that I don't know?
Or is Allah the same God that I've been praying to all along? The same God that
healed me with his love and granted me little miracles throughout my young
life, but I didn't recognize him as being Allah?
It's doubtful. While Allah is another name some use to denote
the personage known as God, Allah as represented in
the Quran and hadith is not anything like how God reveals himself
in the pages of the Bible. If you never recognize Allah as being the
same God you thought you were praying to all you life, there is
good reason for that. Allah is not the same God even while some use
the same word to describe the same concept.
There are so many questions and I have no answers, so here begins my search for
I think in this, the search should start with what you know,
or what you think you know. *I* don't know what you know
or have been taught. Perhaps you have studied the Bible and
the history and the meanings the stories etc in themselves and
not just in context with certain rules and regulations of a particular
church. ? In that case, if you have studied your faith as
much as, if not more than, you are starting to study Islam, then
perhaps you are not called to Christ after all. I pray this is not
the case for if you are not called to Christ then you are called
to the enemy of our souls and you would be lost.
But if you have not studied the actual Bible, the Word of God,
in as much detail and over as much time as you seem to be prepared
to devote to Islam/the Quran/the boyfriend then I hope you
will begin at home (in the Bible). Like they say, charity begins at
Here are two definitions of charity. Consider yourself as the
object of God's love and consider yourself as the needy or
suffering one and go back to the Bible before you enter into
a treaty with Egypt (refers to God's people accepting help and
protection from the enemy instead of relying on the Lord).
In other words, perform an act of kindness for yourself
and go back to study the Bible instead of, or at least
before you study the Quran.
6. often Charity Christianity. The theological virtue
defined as love directed first toward God but also toward
oneself and one's neighbors as objects of God's love.
4. Whatever is bestowed gratuitously on the needy or
suffering for their relief; alms; any act of kindness.
Because my boyfriend is a Muslim there are going to be so many obstacles and I
need to find the truth before those problems arrive.
I agree with you on this. I pray the Lord will lead you into wisdom
and open you to the truth you may already know. Don't abandon it
only because it is familiar and not new and exciting.
When we have children I must MUST have my child baptized and I also want them
to have a communion and confirmation just like I did but because of my boyfriend's
I don't think that will happen.
Probably, maybe especially, not if you don't stand up for it from
the first. Can I ask a question... why *must* you have your
child baptized and confirmed (this is not my belief but if it's
yours then you must have a reason why)? Is it only tradition or
do you believe something a bit deeper? If it's just tradition you
won't really mind if these things don't happen, but if you believe
there is more to it then deep inside you probably already know
that Allah is not the way to go.
That makes me very sad and frustrated but there is nothing I
can really do about it! It’s all part of loving a Muslim!
Yes, there is something you can do. Love your future
children even before they are a twinkle in the eye of their
earthly father by making a stand for your own beliefs and
if you are not really quite sure what you believe, don't
make any promises or any concessions that will hinder
the practice and see through of what your beliefs may
become in the future. It really isn't a done deal if you
are in love with a Muslim, but sustaining a relationship
with a Muslim is not only disobedience to the Word
but also makes it very hard to maintain a relationship
with our Holy Father God. Very difficult, but not
It's not easy to be faithful to our faith when
our husband and his family are all right there to add
to the pressure to deny or at least to disable your
faith in Christ, but it can be done. You can remain yourself
and still be married to a Muslim ... if you must go
through with the marriage, you still really don't have
to go Islamic to make it work.